Mondays Are Rarely Something to Be Excited About

March 2, 2009

Even though I felt rested I was just really quiet today. My Logic class is starting to confuse me and we have a test on Monday. We have to memorize seventeen different fallacies. O my. I just get them all confused. I am going to have to rely on my skill in B.S.ing my way through. Well I guess one could call it persuasion through intellectual thought. Yes, that is what we will call it!

I am wiped out physically and mentally. We lifted six lifts all consisting of legs. How stupid first of all. We did squats, squat jumps, and single leg squat. This is just to give you and idea of this workout. We also lift four times a week. On top of that, today we did abs, plyometrics, jumping program and played. I was so wiped out, not because it was hard but it took four hours. I also rode four and a half miles on the elliptical.

I did not get my bulletin board done either for this month. I said that I was going to do it Friday night but we ended up having a girl’s night instead. No one in Anna Marm has done it because we are all so drained. I feel like I have failed in some way though, not meeting a deadline. My dad would definitely be disappointed. I am going to try and get it done by tomorrow night, even though we have until Friday. I just feel like it reflects badly on my character.

Shawn text me today, out of the blue, apologizing for “being kind of an ass the other day.” He and I do not talk but random texts seem to fly both ways every once in a while. It started out talking about a song by Hinder called, “The Best is Yet to Come.” Apparently when he hears the chorus, he is saying it to me. I find this hard to believe because I do not remember him being that supportive EVER. So then we argued. Finally I just stopped it. It is so childish and I am so over it. He was a big part in my life but now he is in the past. I would not mind talking with him, but relationship wise, I am done. As I study more and more in to my degrees I can identify the relationship we had. We call it Mania. Were the two people have jealous, possessive love and get stomach aches frequently, which him and I did all the time. There was an entire month of my life my freshman year where I was sick to my stomach all of the time and I did not know why, now I know. Along with some other things I have learned in previous classes, him and I were not meant to be together. He and I need to accept the fact that we were not functional because of the things that have happened in the past. We both want different things…

I am not looking for a commitment. I am 19 years old who cannot even commit myself to a favorite color, let alone to someone else. I am exclusive with Rodney, he is my boyfriend. Him and I both have a lot of living left to do before we go off and get married. Yep, a lot to do…What I love is that Rodney and I are completely content with that. There is no need to rush. I am still discovering and finding who I am and what I want out of life.