Thursday, May 21, 2009

So it is Done

So I just ended my second year of college...boxes fill my room and one by one people leave, some for a semester and some to never return. It still has not even hit me yet. I am half way done. In less than a week I will be leaving for have my whole world changed. The friends i have met while here, will remain in my thoughts during the summer. Especially the new friends I have acquired. I now know what it is like to be super girly, I learned that from Hannah; whether it is singing out loud with an air microphone or dancing like a little girl when we both get excited. Learning that you do not need a man to have fun...and for the first time, I am okay being by myself. I do not need someone to complete me right now. I just want to focus on doing me.

I never thought I would find a friendship that is so deep in such a short period of time. Q and I can laugh and talk about anything. He hangs out with Hannah and I a lot and says that this is the most fun he has ever had a Bethany...he probably thinks I am crazy, but in a good way. From my dinner shake, to my competitive nature, to how I make him laugh, to swimming in the school fountain at midnight last night just because I could.

To be continued...after packing and more reflection

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


So I met an amazing boy once again. This time I was utterly fascinated with him. He has traveled Europe, he is a painter, and his heart is on fire for life. He is a professional wrestler and he is blown away by me or so he says. I have never met anyone that has that much passion for life. I feel like him and I relate alot. We are both go-getters and strive to leave our dream. I met him back in October at a party and will admit that I thought about him since then. Then one rainy day we met again in the library. I was stunned and Hannah said that both of our faces just lit up. He admitted that he had gone to the Black Football House a couple times to see if I was there, but I was not. He wrote his number down and gave it me and walked away. I dare say that I am genuinely impressed. Throughout the course of the week we hang out and talk. We go to dinner one night, to a play the next, and then he takes me on a private showing of his senior art gallery. We swing in the park one evening until half past eleven, then on Sunday go to church. I find my feeling like I could listen to him talk all day. He got a job in North Carolina as a painter and he leaves after graduation. I went to his art exhibition to listen to him talk about it. I was blown away, to get to see the emotions and feelings that went into his work. During my private showing, I came across a painting that literally made me freeze. I fell in love with this painting. My parents and friends know this all to well about me; once I see something I want, I have to have it. This painting is 5'x5' and is gorgeous. People will see it and think that someone just threw paint on a canvas, but "all great art work looks as if it was created in an instant."

After that show, him and I knew that there was nothing we can do about anything. We will remain friends. I can say that I, in a way, look up to him because I feel as if him and I are so similar when it comes to goals, hopes, and dreams. He is an inspiration to me because it makes me feel as if I am not alone in my goal racing quest. This is the reason why I bought the painting, to remind me that there are people who race for there dreams and know no limitations.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Self Assessment

I believe that one of my biggest strengths, as a writer, is my willingness to be completely open when I write about a topic. I have no problem expressing through words what I think, feel, or even talk about things that I have done. I believe that this gives me an edge because it lets my reader know that I am honest in what I say. I believe this is also a strength because some people may feel alone if they have gone through a certain experience. I love to write about the rough and good times of my life so that I can indirectly show someone that there is a light always at the end of every dark tunnel. To be able to say, “I have been there and it is going to be okay.” Personally, I would much rather suffer through something so that someone else did not.
My strengths as a thinker, I feel, are my open mindedness and ability to take criticism. I generally am up for anything. I seem to be attracted to helping others despite their situation, and very soon, despite their position on the globe. I am free-spirited and believe that if you dig deep enough there is good inside every person. When it comes to criticism, Jordan became my number one pick when we needed someone to edit an essay. This is not only because he caught my sentence structure mistakes, but he is also honest. For example, in essay number four, I had written a sentence along the lines of, “Did you see the white people in the photograph, definitely not the Virgin Mary.” He wrote in the margins, “Anna, I thought you were trying to show people not to be judgmental.” I quickly made the change and realized that sometimes I need someone to tell it like it is.
I feel as if I still need to improve on grammar and sentence transition. Sometimes I can get so wrapped up into writing something that I completely forget everything else and I just let my hands slide across the key board. When this happens, editing is necessary. I also have a habit of over using commas and as I grow as a writer I hope to eliminate this minuscule mistakes.
I feel as if I need to improve on mindsets that I get. Let me explain, I can be so open to experiences and people, but sometimes I feel as if I can be judgmental as well. When I am caught up in a heated discussion or something that has significance to me, I forget what I am saying and I jut let it flow. This is where I get myself in the most trouble. I do not believe in the word “sorry,” so people know that once it leaves my mouth it should be what I meant to say. I feel as if sometimes my ability to let words and thoughts flow can get me into trouble when arguing. It is my competitive mindset that gets me into trouble with the people closest to me. I know that this trip to Africa will be a revelation and will change the way I see and think about the world.
My favorite essay that I have written in this class was the second one. The one that discussed whether or not grades should be implemented in schools. I was so worked up because I feel like I would not work as hard if the goal were to only pass. I look back on it and it seems to show a personal flaw with in myself. I strive so hard sometimes to want to be the best that I forget about the actual learning. I feel like as I have gone through college I have become better at this. Isaacson said to me my freshman year that grades are not everything. It took me until the end of my sophomore year to realize that. The opportunities to have social interactions are usually set aside because of homework and studying; knowing that if I was not at practice or in class, I was doing my homework. I would stop doing my homework when I went to be that night around midnight. This is how it was day in and day out since I started college. I still want to achieve my goal of having ending every semester with a 4.0, but I also want to live a little. I think about it, and I have no idea why I want to 4.0, I just do. When I vocalize my goals it means that it must happen. I believe this is why people depend on me, when I say that this is going to happen, then I will do whatever is necessary to make it happen. The past few weeks, I have let myself go more because I wanted to experience college not just be an observer.