The Necessary Weekend

March 1, 2009

So I went to play volleyball on Friday and it was a complete and total pick on Anna day. Leah and I do not get along. It is not because of on-the-court issue it is off the court. However, I do not even know what the problem is, but every time Leah or Serah got the ball it went to me. There was one point where I took 11 serve receive passes in a row. When I shanked or messed up they would look at me with a glare and cheer. I asked Leah in the locker room if there was anyway that her and I could fix the whole mess and resolve the issue. She said, “Hmmm…no, probably not, sorry.” I was trying not to cry as I left the gym. Coach said she saw me do some good things, which made me feel good. I did not even want to go to the team dinner. I did not want to be anywhere near my team. I saw myself going through this season and hating it. You never want someone to fake that they like you. It creates a hostile environment along with control issues. I did not even know Leah had a problem with me until about a week ago when she got on me for having a constant scheduling conflict for Sunday night study hall.
I get to the house and she is pretending to be nice to me. Everyone that was not in the senior click left the dinner around 7:30, but I stayed. I am so glad I did. The dinner started at six and I left around ten thirty and that was just because Tanya was at Rodney’s house with a milkshake from Bogey’s. We all started laughing and talking. They were taking chocolate cake shots (combination of sucking on a lemon with sugar after a shot of alcohol). I cannot drink because of the medication, but Serah baked a chocolate cake with strawberries and bananas, iced with whipped cream. YUM! She said I could have the first piece since I could not participate in the team shot taking. She called me, “Anna Baby”, something she has not called me in forever. We are goofy girls and had a blast. When I left there were hugs and everything. Leah text me when I got home and said that she had a really fun time hanging out with me, that we should hang out next weekend, and that when it comes to being teammates we are cool. That made me so happy. I did not know if it was the alcohol talking but then we talked today and laughed like we were friends. I am glad that I took the initiative, it paid off and we are going to have a kick ass season in the fall. Being close to all of them makes me want to play. This is going to be our best season yet. There are not segregated clicks like there were last year. The Varsity all get along and hang out. Last year we hardly ever did team stuff.

One thing I did notice and I am not sure on how I feel is. If I do something then the people around me will also. Hannahberger was so shocked that I did it. I did it and then Megan and Kristi followed. It is like if I am around there is no talk or participation in drinking, smoking, or sex. Me coming out for the night helped clear that up, and makes me feel like I have friends. As weird and awkward as that sounds.

Rodney played the number one team in the nation on Friday. It was 0-0 in the bottom of the seventh. (When we played them the first time we lost 19-6). All of a sudden, Larson makes four errors in a row and we lose 0-5. No one even talked to Larson. He is our problem player. He came in thinking he was going to bat over 400 every game but he makes so many errors on the field and is not even a good hitter. He is our short stop and coach’s pride and joy. Ridiculous! Rodney came home really mad. He said he ended up drinking until five talking baseball with Schlepp and Brian; they did not get home until at 3:30.

In the morning we got ready to go to Kansas City to see Carissa. Out of no where she calls me and asks me to be her Maid of Honor in her wedding. I am totally so happy! I do not know what all goes into being a maid of honor but I am going to try my best to be there and help her. Her wedding is October 3rd, right in the beginning of season, but I thought about it and she should not have to plan “her” day around her family, because this is her special day and she only gets one I was actually taken back by the fact that she asked me. A few years ago we did not really even have a relationship because we fought all the time. She was the one person that I looked up to my whole childhood; I wanted to be just like her. She got involved with the wrong crowd and starting using some heavy drugs. I remember, her and I were working at the restaurant and everything was fine…all of a sudden she stormed off. I was 14. We changed the locks at our house and she left for Kansas City to be with her dad. That was the first time I had to take her off the pedestal of being an older sister and put her on the level of being a human being of free will. She is nothing like that now. She is amazing, her life is all together and she has a man that loves her more than anything. I love watching them interact, it is so positive; they bring out the best in each other. I am so happy for them to finally be getting married.

We went out to eat at the Olive Garden that night, but during the day we just hung out and talked. That is what I like the most. I go to Kansas City to just relax. There are no worries in the world (school), it is just time to let loose and have a good time. I am going back up there after Spring Break to help her pick out things for the wedding.

It is always a long drive back, and I had to work at five. I have to bust my butt into gear. I have had two bad eating weekends and it seems like I have not lost anything. So we will see by next weekend weigh in.

The only apparent symptoms are the bumps on my upper arms and more scattered bumps on my legs. I think I have them because my skin is just dry. I have a plethora of them on my left arm all because my backpack slid down my arm. I was wearing a hoodie and everything but an unmistakable burning feeling lingered after the backpack incident, now I can visibly see the red bumps.

Mood: Sleepy Determined