Sunday, April 26, 2009

An Even Better Weekend, In a Very Different Way

Well, I found out that I can fit ten people in my car. We went to the club for Serah’s bachelorette party. I also realized that I have never had so much fun hanging out with girls. I love my teammates. We are loud, crazy, and out to have a good time. Now I understand why girls go in groups to everything. I have also realized that they are always here for you. I cannot wait to strengthen the bond with all of them.

On Saturday, we as a team to go play Laser Tag. Freaking FUN! Tonight I am having a movie night with Hannah and Ansley.

I understand that not everyone has to be your friend. I thought so, but then I realized that not everyone can be your friend. There needs to be boundaries. I mean when I go to Africa, I am going to help them, but the people are also there to help me. In terms of me, I am there to enrich not only my faith but also my life and hopefully the lives of others. I can be friends with them, but there are people in my life that I am okay with not being friends with. I did not realize until after class, that it is okay to not be friends with everyone. You see, everyone has different views and if you are friends with everyone then you compromise who you are to accommodate everyone else…Not me! I am me and can be and will not be anything else.

And another thing…F…boys! They are stupid and immature! Half of them do not even care about what is in your head, they just want what is in your pants. I have enough going on in my life to not have to worry about it. Earlier today I was feeling inadequate, to be honest. I felt ugly and fat...high school all over again. I can do everything else right…except relationships with boys. But, I have the rest of my life to worry about a man…I have stuff that I want to do. I want to travel outside of the country, frequently and I will not drag anyone with me. I want to LIVE and DREAM, God has a plan and Mr. Right is somewhere…

I was too proud to even talk about this with my anyone. Hannah knows, but that is because I love her and she is my bestie! When it comes to my parents, family, or anyone back home I feel like everything always have to be perfect. I can never be embarrassed, fail, or be sad. It is like there is an invisible standard for perfection. Also I feel like I would be criticized if I was. This has lead to me thinking that I can never have a moment of weakness, like I have to keep it together all of the time. Like you are probably wondering where the previous paragraph came from, and I will not say. It is hard to feel like I can never express if I am sad, or scared. Like the about my Africa trip, or if I will meet my goals of a 4.0. Everyone just assumes that they are going to happen. Then again I like the pressure, and would not know what to do if it was not there. My mom would say that I put all this pressure on myself, and in a sense I do…I like it when people are proud of me, also when people count on you.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

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