The Worst Best Things

Over A Book

Do you ever have those moments where nothing seems to be going right. Well I had about two days of that. I got back to LBK and told myself that I could not be with Rodney because my faith was so important to me. The next week was awkward and we were trying to work stuff out, but nothing really went anywhere. I ended up making dinner at his house on Saturday. Some how, we reconnected and starting laughing and acting as if nothing was wrong. He even said that he would let me read the book to him because he did not want to read it himself. I was so excited. All my thoughts of Miss Independent were gone. I thought maybe I was just being too stubborn and prideful, so we got back together full swing. I thought everything was fine, he was going to come home with me for Easter and be apart of my family. Well Tuesday night Rodney comes over and wants to talk. Basically, he is breaking up with me because I do not know where he is going to fit into my graduate school plans. He feels like I am leaving him behind, where have I heard this before. Then here is the main reason. He said that he got with me and said, “I hoped you would climb down the Jesus ladder.” Rodney thinks that my faith in Jesus is absurd. I will admit that I was hoping he would be curious about my faith and at least touch the Jesus ladder. He said that he does not have time for Jesus and it is not that important to him. In all honesty, after reading 23 Minutes in Hell, my faith was changed and all non believers I want to tell. So at this point, I am crying because I know where those who deny Jesus go, not because I am heartbroken. “I am the way, the truth, and the light. No one comes to the Father except through ME.” That is the only Bible verse that comes to mind. I know that relationships are supposed to be compromiseable. It just happened to be the biggest things of me…my faith and my dreams that need to be compromised. I have always said, no one will get in my way…they will only get out of my way. I know it is for the best. My mom and I had a talk over break about how nice it is to be taken out to dinner or a movie. To feel girlie…Hannah is my new suite mate so it is easier to cope. I feel like her and I are going to become great friends. I kinda like having my girlfriends and no boy. I think I am just more hurt that I am not wanted for my desires or beliefs…that is never a good feeling. Then he says…” Will you still say hi to my mom?” I said that she was going to be mad at him. He goes, “well I thought this was mutual.” Ah… no.

As terrible as it sounds, Rodney came by when I was studying for a Logic test, which made me upset because no boy is worth a bad test grade.

Before all of that, on Monday I find out that I cannot go to Africa. Lauren could not raise the proper funds so the trip is tanked. In all of this, who do I call? My dad, he tells me to find another way to make it happen. So now I am relentlessly searching.