Back to School

I sent out all of my letters. So all I can do now is pray. My week has seemed so busy and I have not even really thought about Rodney. I am enjoying hanging out with my teammates. I also feel like I have a lot more time. I went and peppered at 10:30 at night with Hannah just so she could vent. I never had time like this before because I was so concerned about Rodney and making sure I had time for him.

Fidel and I have been talking a lot. He wants me to come in and talk with his 300 level law class. I am meeting with him on Monday to get the details. We started emailing frequently when he heard that I was going to Africa. He is a little scared for me, but then again so is most everyone I talk to. It is in God’s hands, and you do not learn if you never live outside your own world.

Thursday I met with the Academic Dean and then the EBE instructor. Next week I meet with financial aid. I am trying to take nine credit hours during the summer and not have to pay for it. After talking with the Dean and EBE person, I have taken the cost of almost 3,000 dollars for summer classes down to 990. That was a rest off my shoulders. The EBE that I am doing in Hawaii will count for a total of six credits; three for psychology and three for communications. The Africa trip is going to count for my religion course, which is actually four hours. I am going to do it as a DIS; direct independent study. Here is the catch with that one; I am enrolling in the fall for it so it is covered by my scholarship. Brilliant I thought. Now I just have to rewrite the syllabus and turn it into the religion professor.

I was talking to my dad and the more I do, the more I am convinced that I want to go to graduate school. Now that I know that I can skip my Master’s makes it more manageable. So here is my goal, if I graduate with a 4.0 or get A’s until I graduate plus have a good GRE score, I am inclined to scholarships and grants and could possibly go anywhere I wanted for my degree. I am sitting nicely in all of my classes except interpersonal communication. It is always like this with Isaacson. I am not worried but I am not confident. He has not graded everything, the only thing he has are the quizzes, which I average a C and one paper, which I got a B on. I am hoping once he has graded everything my grade will boost back up to an A. I do understand that grades are not everything but now that I am looking into graduate school, they are. I do learn in my classes. I love my Logic class, it is the hardest A I have ever had to earn. However, I am learning the material and it is so interesting to me. When the information finally clicks in my brain, what an amazing feeling. I really do love Bethany College, the classes, the teachers, the people. The classes challenge me but still let me have a life, well kind of. My teachers are supporting me financially and through prayer with this trip from Africa. That still means so much to me. It means that they believe not only in what I am doing, but they believe in me. My friends are always here for me. It took me being single to realize how much I really do like hanging out with them. I used to always want to be out of the gym by six so I could see Rodney. Now I just go and do whatever, without having to really worry about anyone else but me. It is nice for a change. I cannot remember a time when I was not in a relationship. It is Anna time, and for once, I am okay with it. I am okay with being by myself.

I am surprised how much this book has grown on me. I feel like it is a new lifestyle. I am more at peace and I trust God more. I am always someone that needs proof for things and this book was proof enough for me. It scares me a little because it said, “What if your thoughts constituted as sin?” It was that very sentence that made me want to rethink my whole being. I realize now that I am so sinful, and thankfully, by the grace of God He sent his son to save us all. I always believed it but now I feel it; which is where it counts. This strains Rodney and me, even talking because all I want to do is make him see how amazing this is! He is so blind and resistant. I accepted him for his agnostic belief but this book opened my eyes and I want to save him. One thing the book says is that we can only tell them ,our job is not to convince them. I am going to read him the book and if he gets nothing out of it then I want to leave because I will feel like I have done everything, but then apart of me feels like I have failed miserably. I feel like I have the biggest greatest news in the world and he thinks it is stupid. I do not want to be with someone like that…But then what if I had gone about it the wrong way, what if I pushed him away from it. I have been called weird because I am so into Jesus, what if I scared him away?