Monday February 23

Anna! Anna! Where are you?! I know, I have been gone for a whole week.

Let’s get the symptoms out of the way…face is looking a lot better! Not so much red but sometimes burning when I put moisturizer on. It is bearable but definitely zero fun. (SIDENOTE- so Isaacson taught me how to spell definitely. There is a website that has every other possible way of spelling it and then the correct way and I remembered! Normally, if I do not know how to spell a word then I will not use it at all…it is like a new door opened to my vocabulary.) Anyways, I am starting to wear make up like three times a week, nothing to catastrophic yet. I go in on Wednesday for the appointment to get my refill. The only symptom that hurts the worst is the sides of my mouth. Eating today was so painful. I had a sandwich and every time I went to open my mouth it felt like my mouth was tearing. I am putting Neosporin on for that. My ring worm is gone. However, I have a plethora of red bumps on my limbs, mostly my calves. I just keep putting lotion on, and trying to cover them the best way I can. Now onto the good stuff…my life

My little sister had her seventeenth birthday this week. It makes me sad that I had to miss it but she was with her best friend so I do not feel so bad about not being there. She told me everything went too fast and all I could tell her was that it always will go fast, if not faster. I said that it goes faster when you are doing something with your life and when you are busy. I am so proud of her. Even though she and I disagree on study habits, how dirty or clean a room should be, she is going be unbelievable. She has that “Win at all costs” attitude. This will take her far, sure she could treat her younger siblings different but I know I was the same way when I was her age. Now all I do is miss my siblings. Home is not home until I get a giant, breathtaking hug from my little brother Zach. He is the one I am most curious about; he is the one I want to get to know. His mind is witty, superior, and one of a kind. He is tall as a tree and full of love. Hot damn, I miss him so much. Then there is Jacob. I am learning about his type of personality in my learning class. They call him an oppositional child. Jacob is smart and he has the potential to be a better athlete than any of us kids…he just has to want it. He gets mad at the littlest thing and he holds onto it. He lies and some days I swear his only objective is to make people upset. I do not understand it, but I want to. The only cure for kids like Jacob is to replace a bad habit with a new one. This sounds time consuming…well it is. It is something that has to be done constantly every day. Honestly, I do not think my parents have the time or patience. It is about bringing out the good in Jacob instead of always referring to the bad that he has done or probably will do. I wish I was there to be there for him. I admit he can make me so mad sometimes, I preach all the time that you are the only one that can make you upset…well then I make myself very upset sometimes.

I will be home in less than a month! I am excited to see my parents, to talk for hours with my dad about nothing and everything. I wish my mom and I had a stronger relationship. We spent eighty percent of my life arguing, even when I was little. We always conflicted, just because I way too stubborn with a big mouth. She and I did not really click until I left for college. She and I are emotionally connected, it takes a lot for me to cry but if she cries than automatically I lose it...every time. I should not of given her such a hard time, she has been through things I will never be through. When I was in high school success to me was going to college with the works to go along with it like scholarships. So then she was not a success, hell I am wishing, hoping, and praying that I can half the mom she is. I look up to her more than I ever show. Success is not measured by how many A’s you have, or how many degrees you acquire. Success to me is doing what you want in your life, supporting the people around you and loving every minute. Success is self measured. I pulled a complete dick move yesterday. She called and she was asking about my Accutane and my glasses. I was flooded with homework and was trying to get done, so I could go to the baseball game that I was already late for. I snapped at her which I should not of. I hung up the phone and was going to text her about it but I did not. I guess it just bothered me that since I have been back she has not called just to talk…just to see what is up; probably because she knows I am flooded busy. I have talked to my dad a couple of times. I think that they just read my blog and that is sufficient enough. Why call when they can read about my day and everything else going on in my head. It is okay though because I can express things through a keyboard that I would not be able to express in person. Also when I type it, I can remember it and share it without forgetting it.

(SO…I learned from my mom at an early age; never mix black and brown. And NEVER mix black with dark blue…There are people here whose mothers did not teach them that…funny how certain things you will always remember.)

Another person that I cannot wait to see is Hunter. He is hands down my best friend in the whole world! I love him just as much as I love my own siblings. Even though I do not agree with the choices he is making in life, specifically his extracurricular activities, he still is number one. That is the awkward thing about best friends, you can influence them but you can never change them and if you try, you could end up losing them in the process. I am pretty sure every girl he has at his house has distaste for me. I am the only girl that has a picture up in his room; it is one that he and I took at my 16th birthday party. This is the best friend who I can tell absolutely anything to and vice versa. To be frank, there are things that I did not want to know about him but I do nonetheless. This is one person I do not judge because he is so close to me.. Is there sexual tension, I know everyone that knows us wonders this. Does he find me attractive? Yes. His friends ask him why he and I never dated. The thought really never crossed our minds. I know that I have an attractive best friend. However, laying together watching a movie or falling asleep in the same bed is just the same as if I did it with my siblings. All him and I really say when people look at us awkward for the way we act, because we are very close and comfortable with each other, we just tell them that if something was going to happen, it would have happened already…we know to much about the other person now. My other best friend, who I have a matching tattoo with, well her and I have grown somewhat apart. She is what I call a “sayer”. She says that she is going to do this and that and this and that but NOTHING ever happens. I am a doer…I do things, if I want something I work to get it. So in a way it makes it hard and she criticizes the hell out of everything I do. I love her and she is still one of my closest friends, she just has a new best friend that she is inseparable with that can be there for her. As long as she is happy…

I had a pretty fun weekend…we barbequed, and I found out that I like barbeque sauce…all these years my dad has been making me plain ribs. What was I thinking? Rodney soaked them in a special mixture of sauces over night. Yeah I weighed in at 154.2, the lowest I have been since freshman year of high school. Woot, woot! It does not seem that way but…anyways, this was my meal to get down…I had four barbequed ribs, two plain, a pork chop, beans, green beans, chips and queso, with about a half a pan of brownies. What is sad is that I am not full yet. I stopped eating though….I had a terrible eating weekend, but I am just going to say it was for a good cause…a healthy body and a baseball filled weekend.

I get my Learning test back tomorrow, but I got my Logic test back today…89%. So my day was almost ruined…I was seven tenths of a point away from an A. This is the hardest but most rewarding class I have ever taken. To me, if it is not an A then it might as well be an F. I learned that from my dad. He always demanded perfection but I could never attain it. It is funny how the mind set follows me. With two consecutive 4.0 semesters, I am looking to making this one number three. He never told me to get a 4.0 in college, I just want one. However, I do not ever get tired of telling him about my goals, in most ways there are the same as his.

I was in the library last night and the guy that told me I was weird in the training room a few weeks ago was in there, his name is Josh. He and I usually say hello to each other. He walks in and looks at me as he sits down and says, “Your face looks good…Wow that was an awkward compliment.” I just smiled and said thank you. He went to Cherokee Trails and even though him and I are at the same school it is like we are rivals still well not so much anymore since we talked for about two hours.
Mood: Tired with tons to do