Tuesday

February 10
So I have officially hit the two week marker! They say that the worst is supposed to be over. However, aside from the dry lips and putting on moisturizer I do not feel any different than I did before I got on the medication. The first week, I think was just the hardest. It makes me wonder just a little if this medication is going to work since my side effects are mild and not as bad as others have reported. I am supposed to stop using the topical medication so that we can see if the Accutane is working but I am a little fearful of that. I think I have a plan though. I will stop using the topical medication starting tomorrow morning. If my face has not gotten worse in a two week period then I will attempt to wear makeup on a semi regular basis, but I will wash it off before practice. I am doing some trail and error so I can see what works and what does not. I think to myself though, what if Accutane does not work, and then there really is nothing left for me to try because I tried everything else. I am going to hope for the best though. It is that time of the month so I might be more prone to breaking out more as a result.
Today went well. I think I have an addiction to my Logic homework; which the term “well” might not be put in the same sentence with Logic homework unless there is a negative in between. I literally walked as fast as I could to the computer lab when I got off of work so I could start. I thought about it almost all TeleFund. (Aside from that I actually did my job, oh and I am debating to surprise for my dad’s birthday party. It is merely nothing less than brilliance!) I am so intrigued. I am nervous for the test though. I feel like I understand it for the most part, sometimes I get the diagramming mixed up or I misread something, but I am vocal and involved in my homework. How weird does that sound? I hope I do not choke when the test comes. I might talk to him so I can get a feel for his testing format, so that I will not be like a deer in the headlights come next week. I know this stuff, now it is just time to show it. I did not even have this class today, but yet it is the only class on my mind. The next best class that I enjoy is Interpersonal Communication. That is a very active class. Today we talked about Non Verbal Communication and I had to position Dr. Isaacson so that he would convey to my classmates how I feel about my relationship with Rodney. The class then had to guess what it was I was trying to communicate. I made Isaacson do a big cheesy smile and make a circle with his hands to represent equality and completeness at this particular stage in my life. Then we had to pair up, I paired up with one of our catcher’s girlfriend, Jenny. We had to talk and gradually get closer to where eventually our hands were on each other’s hips. We talked baseball the whole time and she is going to help me with the baking. She is excited and now I will have someone to sit at the baseball games with; which means I will most likely not be in the press box. I am excited that I have befriended her and I think that we will relate in many ways. She and Frieze starting emailing just like Rodney and I did so that is humorous to me in a small way; basically it concludes that I am the not the only unusually unusual person roaming Bethany College. They will have been together almost two years. I have no problem hanging around with Josie and the girls but it is hard to hang out because I work almost every night and I also have a boyfriend. This boyfriend factor sometimes makes it hard to relate because Rodney is not just some boy that I am trying out, where as these girls text six different boys and never hang out with them but the girls say that they are a slut for this. I think it is just because they do not know what it is like. We will always be close but it will be nice to talk to someone who goes what I go through and can understand. I mean who knows what will happen with Rodney and me. If we stay together, he will most likely coach baseball, so I will be a baseball wife just like now I am the baseball girlfriend. Right now, for Rodney, things his life goes in that order; baseball and then girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with that because I would not want it any other way. Rodney is not my number one priority but he is up there and he knows that. We both just do so much here and we understand that. There will come a time when college is over and we do not want to have regrets. So we are not together 24/7 because then we would miss out on the things and the people we enjoy and also who might not be in close proximity after graduation..
Rodney really is stressed though. This baseball coach and player situation is going to tire him out. He will push through it as long as he can. His team supports and respects what he is trying to do. He and I stayed up until two this morning to talking about his parents, baseball, and the future. It was a good, serious talk, but it does show we are from different places. I feel like he still carries a chip on his shoulder because of everything that has happened to him in his past. Do not get me wrong, growing up for him was no walk through the daisies but lets just say him and I have a different mentality. Something happens to me and I just let it go. I do not push it under the rug but holding grudges and past negative experiences is like holding baggage. Or like holding a pencil out in front of you; even if it is something small, eventually it will break you down. I learned how to live like that from my mom.
Today, I decided that if it was nice and the wind was not bad then we are working out outside. I put on my SPF 70 on my face and I was off. Granted I was only out there fifteen minutes, but still I am moving up in sun exposure time! This medication is not going to hold me back from what I want to do. This is a time to bond with my teammates. I am a firm believer in struggle brings about closeness. We played for about an hour and a half. Even though I pulled my right hip flexor/groin last week, but I still got out there and played. I am going to have it looked at tomorrow. We played and I played well. I mean I was reading the ball well (got burned a couple times) and my passing, wow big improvement. On some I would pass the ball and feel like I was someone else. It was a great feeling. My hitting also is a lot better than on Sunday. I hitting my spots and working the line. I have to keep practicing because I do not want to lose this. I want to be on that court.
Mood: Unstoppable